Divorces are painful and, depending on the situation, you may be feeling betrayed or deceived. Feeling divorce anger, or even hatred, is completely normal, but letting anger get the best of you is a huge mistake that could impact the outcome of your divorce case.
We always recommend seeking counseling during a divorce to help the healing process and talk through any lingering issues. This is especially important if you’re experiencing a lot of divorce anger. A therapist can help you work through your emotions and feelings of anger.
How Anger Can Impact Your Divorce Case
Unfortunately, not everyone chooses to see a therapist. Often this can lead to mismanaged emotions that negatively affect the outcome of your divorce. Here are some of the most common ways we see divorce anger hurt a case:
1. Divorce Anger Leads to a Breakdown of Communication
Communication is key during a divorce. When you let anger take over, the lines of communication are sure to break down. Keeping your emotions, especially anger, in check makes communicating with your soon-to-be-former spouse less stressful and will allow you to work together to reach the best settlement for everyone involved.
2. Misusing Your Time with Your Divorce Attorney
If you’re extremely angry with your spouse, talking about it with your attorney will not help matters. Using your lawyer’s time to talk about how terrible your former spouse is will only waste time and money. Stick to discussing the case.
3. Wanting Your Attorney to Hate Your Ex
Attorneys must stay objective to ensure they are doing their best to advocate for you. Emotion only clouds judgment. Your divorce attorney is supposed to guide you past emotions and offer objective options to meet your legal goals. An attorney who is as angry as you are will have no more ability to put their feelings aside than you do, and that will result in your case costing 2 to 3 times more than necessary.
4. Acting in Poor Character in Divorce Court
The first rule of litigation is not to make the judge mad. Bringing your anger into the courtroom is a surefire way to anger the judge and hurt your case. Losing your temper, screaming at opposing counsel, glaring at the opposing party, rolling your eyes, etc are not only immature, but could result in you being found in contempt of court, a charge that comes with jail time.
5. It Can Impact Your Custody Arrangement
Your actions in and out of the courtroom can influence the judge’s decision on whether you’re a fit parent. If you’re arrested for contempt of court, the judge is likely to rethink whatever custody agreement you and your former spouse have submitted. Don’t let anger jeopardize your custody arrangement.
6. Tearing Down Your Ex in Front of Children
One of the most important things to keep in mind during a divorce is that your children are not pawns and you should never put them in the middle of your divorce. Telling your child or children about how terrible your former spouse is, how much/little support you get, or other facts of the divorce is never advisable. You may hate your ex-spouse’s guts, but that is still your children’s other parent. When you talk negatively about their other parent, you are talking negatively about half of them. It is simply not fair to put that kind of negative burden on children.
7. You’ll Feel the Results of Your Divorce for Years
Divorce completely changes your life and you’ll feel the impact for years. Don’t make rash decisions out of anger because you’ll have to live with those decisions for years.
8. Anger Makes it Difficult to Pick Your Battles
When anger clouds your judgement, it’s difficult to parse out what’s important and what’s not. Divorce anger can make people focus on small, inconsequential things just so they can feel like they have control or are “getting even” with their spouse. Don’t let anger get you so hung up on insignificant matters that you miss the big picture.
9. It’s Not Healthy
Divorce is already stressful. Letting anger take over only puts more stress on your mind and body, which is bad for your mental and physical health. It’s important to take care of yourself so you can heal and move forward with your life.
Speak with an Experienced Divorce Attorney Today
Our attorneys have therapists and support groups they can recommend to clients at their request. At The Doyle Law Group, P.A. we understand divorce is a difficult process, and we strive to provide objective, empathetic representation. To schedule your consultation or learn more about our services, call (919) 263-5629 or fill out the contact form below.
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