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4 Questions to Decide if You Really Need a Divorce

If you are considering a divorce, then you probably didn't come to that idea casually.

After making a grand commitment like a wedding, most couples consider their marriages as lifelong endeavors and divorce is the farthest thing from their mind. But as time passes, people and needs change, and marriages often suffer. This can place a terrible strain on both partners emotionally and mentally, and before you know it, someone is considering divorce as the only solution.

Before you make that assumption, ask yourself these 4 questions to see if a divorce is your relationship answer.

Questions to Ask Yourself Before Moving Forward with a Divorce

1. Do You Really Want a Divorce?

This may seem silly, but you'd be surprised how often people casually toss around the idea of getting divorced. If you are in this category, then you need to understand the costs, risks, and lifestyle changes that you will ultimately go through during the divorce process.

Divorce is extremely expensive, and in North Carolina, you must undertake a full year of separation before filing for divorce. This means moving apart, finding lodging, and setting up utility accounts in the process.

If you are using the threat of divorce against your spouse out of frustration or as a means of control, then divorce may not be the answer you are actually looking for. Seeking counseling is a step that many couples seek to save their marriage. It may seem cliché, but a marriage can be saved if both parties are willing to work out their problems. 

2. Have You Exhausted Every Effort to Reconcile with Your Partner?

No one should enter into divorce lightly. This is a serious decision and it will alter the course of the lives of those involved. If there is a chance to repair a damaged relationship, then you owe it to your marriage to try and work things out. Consider marriage counseling, talk things out with your partner or maybe test out a trial separation just to see if all you need is space to reconnect with your needs, seek guidance from spiritual leaders, try reading self-help books.

Regardless, if you have love, then you should try to reconcile with your partner.

3. Are You Seeking Divorce Out of Emotion or for a Practical Reason?

The need for a divorce should come from a specific need to remedy an irreconcilable situation, not a knee-jerk reaction to a conflict or problem. Emotions can cloud our judgment and we react based on the information we have at that time.

For example, many couples have a set spending limit that the other spouse cannot exceed without consulting on the purchase. If your spouse decided to make a purchase outside the agreed-upon boundaries on one occasion versus habitually overspending, then your emotional reaction may not be grounds for divorce. However, if your spouse has a pattern of behavior where they spend excessively without regard to any boundary, then your want of a divorce may be warranted.

4. Do You Still Love Your Spouse?

Love is a motivating factor for marriage but is often overlooked in divorce. If you still have feelings of love, then getting a divorce may not ultimately solve all your problems. If love exists, then getting a divorce may just end up as a short-term solution for a long-term issue.

Talk it Out with an Experienced Raleigh Divorce Attorney

If you are still unsure if you need a divorce, our team of experienced divorce attorneys in Raleigh can guide you to the answer. We ultimately want marriages to work out, but we understand that is not always possible. During your consultation, your attorney will ask you questions about why you feel you want a divorce and can help you work through if this is the right choice for you.

Contact our family law firm by completing the form below or calling (919) 301-8843.

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