Divorces are painful. They are often filled with lies, deception and sometimes physical abuse. These issues can impact children as well as the other spouse. Because of this, Anger is a natural feeling to experience during a separation. What this blog is discussing is the type of anger that lingers and festers…that clouds logic and judgment. When anger dictates your decisions, you often do not hurt the other party, but yourself and your children.
Dealing with Anger During Separation and Divorce
Time helps. Once the emotional wounds are not as fresh you can feel the anger dissipate. Sometimes people can find productive ways to deal with the anger that simmers such as through exercise or their spirituality. Having an outlet for anger prevents the toxic buildup of anger that hurts your domestic case.
Seek Help from a Mental Health Professional
If you find yourself needing help to let go of this kind of toxic anger, a therapist is a great place to get help. Therapy is a great tool to address your feelings in a productive way and to also get educated in better ways to cope with the difficulty of separation and the anger that arises as part of that process. Going to a therapist is not a negative indication of your mental state, in fact I believe most judges would see addressing issues through therapy as a positive attribute – taking a proactive step to better yourself.
Anger Can Affect Your Divorce Case
Unfortunately, not everyone takes chooses to seek the advice of a therapist. Often, not doing so can lead to mismanaged emotions.
These are some examples of how anger can hurt your case:
- Misusing Your Time with Your Raleigh Divorce Attorney
You are so angry with your spouse that you talk to your attorney for hours about how terrible they are rather than discussing the case. Your attorney asks you a question, and rather than answering, you talk about what you want to talk about….how terrible your spouse is.
This is unproductive.
- Wanting Your Attorney to Hate Your Ex Like You Do
You get very angry that your attorney does not share your hatred of your spouse. You threaten to fire them and find someone who “cares.”
Attorneys must stay objective to ensure they are doing their best to advocate for you. Emotion clouds judgment.
Attorneys are supposed to guide the client past emotion and offer objective options to best meet their legal goals. An attorney who is as angry as you are will have no more ability to put their feelings asside than you do, and that will result in your case costing 2 to 3 times more than necessary.
You Should Want an Objective Attorney
An objective attorney is what a client should be looking for to represent them in their domestic matter, but also have empathy for their individual struggles. There is a fine line between healthy concern for clients and taking on their emotions, which is unhealthy.
- Acting in Poor Character While in Divorce Court
You are on the stand and lose your temper, scream at opposing counsel, glare at the opposing party, roll your eyes at the judge, etc.
These behaviors not only hurt your case, but could ultimately get you found in contempt of court and land you in jail. How understanding do you think the judge will be of your parenting skills after he or she has to have you arrested due to your poor behavior?
- Tearing Down Your Ex in Front of Children
You have to tell your children how bad the other parent is. How much money you send the other parent, or how little money the other parent sends you, whatever the case may be.
You may hate your ex-spouse’s guts, but that is still your children’s other parent. When you talk negatively about their other parent, you are talking negatively about half of them. It is simply not fair to put that kind of negative burden on children, from the standpoint of alienating them from the other parent, as well as talking about adult issues with them.
If you want to talk about how terrible your ex-spouse is, find a therapist or a divorce support group. Express your feelings, just do so in an appropriate environment.
Speak with an Experienced Divorce and Family Law Attorney
Our attorneys have therapists and support groups they can recommend to clients at their request. At The Doyle Law Group, P.A. we understand separation is a difficult process, and we will endeavor to provide the best representation possible with a balance of objectivity and empathy for our clients.
Protecting your Privacy ~ Your privacy is our primary concern. At the Doyle Law Group, we understand the importance of protecting your privacy and will never share your contact information with a 3rd party. Contacting our law firm does not imply any form of attorney-client relationship.